Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
