I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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