i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
