ugly people sure do ruin things
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
