Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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