she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
