Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
