Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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