Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
