We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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