I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
