Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
