There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
