Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
