Whod you bang
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
