you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
