I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
