it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
