I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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