the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
