your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
