I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
