I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
