I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
