Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
