Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize