mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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