My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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