You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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