i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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