too bad you live with your parents still
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
