the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
