The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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