just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
