Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize