she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
