there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
