I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
