At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
