when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
