I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize