You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
