dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
