? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
