i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
