i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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