I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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