I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
