How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
