either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
