think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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