Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You work out of a Hotel?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
