New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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