I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
