I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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