the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
