All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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