Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
