It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
