Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
