Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Im part way to drunk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
