Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
