Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
