If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Come on in and take your pants off
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