youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize