so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
