Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
