She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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