ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just come out here and I will go home with you...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sarcasm needs its own font
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
