also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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