I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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