for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
