He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
