Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
