I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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