I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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