I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
