Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
only you would photoshop your dick
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
