Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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