What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
