I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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