Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
