Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
