Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
