So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
