and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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