are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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