I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
These tits shall not be calmed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize