you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
