i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
