am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
