My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
