I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
