my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize