I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize